I remember in 2004 when I knew you were with Evangeline. I wasn’t sure what hurt more, not being up allowed to look you up or being away from you. Probably a mixture of both…I have learned a lot these past few years. I have learned how to care about if others do not like me or if they disagree about my infinite strong, deep feelings for you. The other person ain’t me so they’re not going to know exactly what I’m feeling.
They have no idea what it feels like to ache for someone that isn’t is your child or your best friend. I know we haven’t met yet. I know I want to more about you than what I see on T.V. Others may laugh, but I don’t care how I look to them. I just need you and my kids with me in my life. I need to be able to tweet you again and know that you’re fine with it even though it’s me. I need to watch you play with Mercedes and Johnathan at a park. I need to be able to walk hand-in-hand with you and that you are mine…and I am yours. I need to walk passed L.A. Ink, Little Dom’s or the Grove and be assured that I won’t be arrested just because I felt like walking there one day. I wouldn’t be expecting you there or anything. I just want my freedom back. I don’t want to be afraid to send you an email thinking the police will be at my door the next day.
I’m tired of waking up and my first thought is, “am I gonna be able to afford to eat today” or “Dom should be here instead of just in my dreams”. I don’t love how rich you are, I care for you as a person and that’s something very few of your fans understand. I’ve got to be with you soon, Dominic. Being away from you hurts more and more each day. Watching your movies hurts and feels good at the same time. I wish I could just imagine you with me and then I walk outside and there you are. Then I could really hug you, kiss you, show you how much I love and never have to leave your side again.
Anyway, I hope you have a good night, Dominic. If I don’t see you tomorrow or the next day, it’s not because I didn’t want to. It’s because I’m not sure what I need to do in order to make that happen. I thought I did once, but all it’s ever done was put me in jail. I’m not blaming you. I know you were ensuring my safety. Thank you so much for that, by the way.
You’ve inspired me so much and in so many ways. I love you more and every moment. It’s because the Lord brought me to you that I am who I am today. I care more about myself today than I ever have before. I wouldn’t move to another State for just anyone you know. We’ll, my Dominic. I want you to know that I miss you and I love you.
To my other readers: Go ahead post your comments. I’m ready for whatever you’ve got to throw at me.